April 3, 2023
What do we owe our kids? What do we, the people who consider ourselves adults today, owe our kids, all of our kids across the globe, in every home, in every community, in every social class, of all abilities, and in every identity group? This question is not directed to parents alone. This question is directed to the entire global community.
When we say that we are doing something for the kids or for future generations, do we really mean it? Sometimes, it seems that we construct an illusion of who children should be and then pour all our energy into defending that illusion, regardless of what real kids are saying to us. Some of us tell our kids that they can be anything. Some of us tell our kids that they are our whole world. Some of us believe and announce that our kids are the future. Are these just empty proclamations or is there real love and truth behind these words? If you subscribe to any of these ideas, what does it mean to you?
If our kids reveal to us a truth about reality, are we open enough to hear that truth if it challenges our understanding of how the world works? As educators, do we have enough regard for our students and the youth of the world to let them expand our experience of reality? The longer I teach, the more humble I become about how much I know about the world. The longer I spend with my students, the more convinced I am that they too have something to teach us adults about love, forgiveness, and the practice of approaching the world with a growth mindset. As I see it, we, the adults, imperil the future when we lack the good sense and humility to learn from the compassion, grace, and adaptability that our students show as they learn to appreciate what each person brings to the table.
We often harshly critique the young, particularly teenagers, when they mirror all the vile things that we as older adults have spent years doing to each other. Why do we blame them for following our example instead of our counsel? After 18 years as a boarding school teacher, I have become accustomed to hearing two best friends in their senior year declare how they once used to despise each other as freshmen. I have learned that passionate arguments and real anger between two students can often be the authentic expression of the moment, rather than a permanent scar that ruins a relationship forever. Absent the quick categorizations and character judgments that adults tend to impose on these situations, the relationship often has a chance to recover. Yes, we must attend to harm and respond to impact, yet I believe that we can do this without permanently equating the harmful action with the core being of the person.
Today, our kids are telling us that the fundamental idea of gender as we have been taught, is an illusion. Are we willing to listen to them? Today, our students are confirming the misgivings some of us had years ago about limiting one’s access to a particular job, sport, or activity based on visible genitalia from when we came into this world or the color of our skin. Today, our kids are showing us that they can find happiness and purpose even when they accept that the world is made up of more than just male and female or race and class categories. How many kids are we willing to continue to sacrifice? In the name of which God or nation will we sacrifice children to hold on to the limited understanding that we inherited from the stories of past generations? How can it be that we praise technological progress, demand improvements in services from our governments, and bemoan the continued existence of illnesses that have long plagued us but recoil in horror and disdain when our youth offers us a broader path to freedom and happiness?
Hey! You can be male, female, or non-binary: “Rejoice!” The color of your skin does not reveal your potential in life: “Lift up your voice and sing!” We have learned enough about gender identity and medical science has advanced enough to allow us to align our inner world with the one that everyone else sees based on our genitalia. Why is this such a cause for alarm?
The people who are present when we are born look at us with HUMAN eyes. They can only see the tangible thing in front of them, and the last time I checked, gender is not a thing that you can see or touch. Neither is your worth as a human being! Your genitalia are tangible, and finally, we know that there is no hardwired connection between your genitalia and your gender. We know too that the color of your skin does not preclude you from helping humanity take a giant step forward. Will we continue to allow our classrooms and schools to be places of psychological torture because of these truths? Will we continue to ignore the reality that some of the students walking in our halls and sitting in our classrooms must hide a part of themselves to remain physically safe, even as they endure language that belittles and isolates them? Will we yet again deny another group of human beings the protections of the state, access to necessary skills and full participation in community life not because they have attacked or hurt anyone but because they are expanding our knowledge of humanity?
Witch trials, slavery, segregation, honor killings and the continued mistreatment of women are some of the examples from history that tell me that religion, law or education are not enough to prevent even a society that considers itself to be a bastion of civilization from destroying a generation of youth that challenges its preconceived notion of the world. In fact all three, religion, law, and education, usually draw first blood in these crusades. A quick look at the news and the political campaigns of today provide ample evidence that we have not evolved beyond the willingness to inflict incredible suffering on others, without real cause, while wrapping our actions in the words of love, patriotism, family, religion and honor.
In case this feels theoretical and cerebral, let me put my thoughts in contemporary concerns. Covid, earthquakes, floods, wars, and economic shocks are just some of the events that are combining today to increase the chance that millions of current and future generations will experience the hunger, insecurity, and stress that I grew up with as a child. When I was a child, I thought that the whole world was working together to end these hardships. Today, I see that we create categories and labels to determine those who deserve help and those who should suffer. We blame the ills and failures of society on criminals and people of questionable moral character. But it is the people who write the laws and control the armies that make decisions affecting millions at the stroke of a pen. We write suffering into the codes of society; sign it with the pen of a President, Prime Minister, King, or Dictator; and enforce it with the power of guns—we call this legal. So a pen has the potential to legally define a person and that definition creates the opportunities that such a person may freely access for the rest of their life. Pandemics, natural disasters, economic shocks, and political upheaval will always present a bigger burden for the people that we legally define as unworthy of compassion, fair treatment, and access to the skills and conditions they need to live a life of dignity.
So, I return: What do we owe our kids? What do we owe all of our kids across the globe, in every home, in every community, in every social class, of all abilities, and in every identity group? We owe them a world that is livable. We owe them a present and a future that is built in humble partnership with them. We owe them a future in which no creed or religion has the right to condemn them to a life of suffering. We owe them a pledge to learn with them and to change with them as we learn more about this world that we all share. You can start by helping one more person in your space find a sense of community and belonging. Go further by identifying the new revelations about human identity that most scare you, suspend judgment for a while, find a good book and learn about this brave new world. With any luck, what you learn might enrich your life and help you approach the future with a stronger spirit of hope.
If you want to know what I am doing in this regard, follow @amilewithyou on Instagram or go to www.amilewithyou.org/sun-relays.
You may also be interested in reading more articles written by Norman Kim-Senior for Intrepid Ed News.
