February 21, 2023

Having arguments with your kids takes work. These disagreements are often disruptive and hurtful to everybody, leaving painful memories marked by regret. Everybody gets carried away and suddenly an escalating dynamic turns into a raging bonfire. I’ve certainly lost it with my kids and, over the years, I wish I had better tools to make different choices. Instead, I found myself being surprised every time tempers flared in yet another new way and floundering to respond effectively instead of overreacting. Let me share a situation that, frankly, still haunts me today. 

Several years ago, on a bitterly cold New Year’s Eve, I had an epic meltdown. It was very cold that night, bitter—15 degrees Fahrenheit cold. My ninth-grade daughter bounced downstairs in a short-sleeved cropped tee shirt and jeans to wander around town with friends for the First Night festivities. She grabbed a thin, faux leather jacket as she headed towards the door. I stepped into her path: “Sweetie, I don’t think your outfit is quite warm enough.” “Why? I have a jacket” she sneered with a smile. “Because it’s 15 degrees and you are just getting over a cold?” We went back and forth until…